MP and Budfox especially...
You've both probably seen my postings off and on over the past 9 months or so. I've read this entire thread now, and honestly, instead of a sad, triggering feeling, I felt SO validated and not alone. My situation sounds very similar. T, in order to help me trust her more, offered me something I didn't know I was longing for. I didn't know if It was right or wrong.... it felt so healing to me though. Then abruptly, with no discussion, took it away, and changed other things as well. Left me feeling SO rejected. I knew at that time I had no power in the relationship (except to walk away,) and I felt like my feelings and opinions didn't matter. Her choices affected my entire life outside of therapy, depression got worse, habits got bad, pushing people away, I felt horribly retraumatized. I still do I'm still with her too, although I recently started seeing a new T, to help me through this. Or perhaps, I could eventually start seeing new T instead of the old one. Despite the hurt, my attachment level is very high. Thank you so much for posting this MP, and for all of you sharing your thoughts/feelings on it. It's helpful to know people have been through this same kind of rejection. It's far from over for me, and maybe it won't be unless I quit seeing T, where the pain will gradually get better. But this woke something up in me I have not been able to get control of. It hurts a great deal still. Having the memories ought to be good enough (her holding me while I cried, telling me she loved me, giving me prolonged, healing hugs). But the memories hurt more. She has apologized, but I just don't know how she could have, after being a psychologist for 25 years, thought that this wouldn't have a major effect on me. I miss how she used to be And of course wonder what I did to change it all. I've felt dead inside since. Again, thank you for posting this.