I finally recovered from depression somehow in the summer. No meds or therapy at the time, although I think maybe I processed some stuff from previous therapy?? So, to give people here a bit of hope, I'd been severely depressed for 8 years, until gradually I wasn't anymore in the summer. I never thought that would happen for me when I was stuck in that pit. It's so good to feel like 'me' again; to be able to cry when I feel sad and to be able to stop. I spent so long being completely miserable, but unable to cry, or feeling empty, or crying uncontrollably at the tiniest little thing. And now emotions ebb and flow like they used to.

When I was depressed, I would often get lectures from my family about being negative, taking things too seriously, catastrophising, not looking for the positives, and it was very difficult because I really was trying. I keep a mental gratitude list, I practice mindfulness and find a lot of joy in the beauty of nature etc for the last few years, but still was criticised. I assumed that they had a point because I was depressed and I did often feel hopeless about the future...

But since I'm not depressed anymore, I am still being criticised for the same things. I still feel like I'm not 'allowed' to express any negative emotion (or any deep honest thoughts). Which is stupid! Everyone feels sad or annoyed or disappointed or worried from time to time, so why am I 'told off' for expressing these normal things?? I tried to make a cake recently and it was a disaster and so I ended up throwing it straight in the bin - I told my mum that I was disappointed that it hadn't turned out right cos I'd really been looking forward to trying this new cake recipe, and I got a massive lecture about not being so negative and that I have all of these techniques for not being miserable and that I had to start using them!

Typing this, it occurs to me that maybe my parents are so scared that I will get so depressed again that they freak out at every normal negative emotion?? It was a long, hard 8 years for them too. They had to care for me and have me hospitalised twice, which was awful for all of us. But it's making me feel like I can't ever be honest with anyone about my normal range of thoughts or feelings.

Can anyone relate? Will they calm down? I hope so.

*Willow*