Thanks Fizzyo. I wasn't really reluctant to share that info I'm just reluctant to put it into writing. If someone from work should see it I worry about the consequences. I had to work closely with him for a while today and he is nothing but warm and friendly to me... The bastard.

I was able to make another call to a potential T. Left a message, no call back but maybe because today is a holiday. I plan to try to call him again tomorrow... His office is not far and I liked his voice on his answering machine. Silly the things I'm making judgements on. But I hope to be able to find someone to talk to about this.

In the meantime this situation is very similar to what happened to me the first time my depression took over my life. That ended badly and I didn't speak to the guy for 10 years. We haven't seen each other but he is part of a group that had a reunion at the end of December so I knew I would have to face him... I decided to apologize to him (I was really nasty to him and pushed him away) and it went so well and we are good friends again. He's married now and his wife is a gem as well and has encouraged me to be open about my current situation.

If I can't find a T right away I'm hoping I can meet with him again and tell him what's going on here as he is one person who will understand and I think be supportive. I'm even very open to the idea of discussing it with him and his wife.

I do not, however, want to put him in a position where he or they feel responsible for my well being. I would really like to talk to them but would really like to have a T in place first so that it isn't like I'm putting a burden on them in lieu of getting professional help.

He's a doctor now and turns out she's a social worker so I could do worse in terms of finding someone to talk to... Still I don't want to make them proxies for a professional therapist tasked with my care.