I read a book where a young man is dying of cancer and says repeatedly that it is harder to be his loved ones than it is to die because the hurt will end for him and continue/grow for them with his death. I imagine that this is true for anyone who cares about someone who has any chronic illness. Not that I think it is worse for someone who just has to bear the illness necessarily but I am sure that there are parts of it that are harder to see and deal with than to experience.

I hope you can find the support you need. I know in the US there are NAMI groups for family members; I have no idea if such things exist in Germany but maybe you could look?