Hello and welcome to Psych Central. I am sorry for your loss. Have you thought about getting professional help at this time for your deepression? I am sure there are many things you would like to talk about at this time to help you to try and understand what happened and why. It is okay to get professional help for loss and depression that accompanies loss. I hope you will think about seeing someone to help you feel less alone in your struggles at this time. Take care.. Soidhonia