I am wondering if I have some development issues. Primarily sexually but also emotionally/socially. I have never been a sexual being. I am attracted to men but I have next to no desire to be sexual with them. I feel generally next to no sensation at all when I have sex with my husband. I have tried to pleasure myself a handful of times to see if that made any difference - it didn't. When I was a teenager I knew I was attracted to men, although it took me a while to tell anyone, but I was not a sexual being. I liked them in the way that a pre-teen has a crush on someone thinking they looked nice but not lusting after them physically. I was the sort who would not even notice if someone had good abs, for example. I never looked at women in any way sexually. I didn't even really like being around girls as I generally did not get on with them or anyone my age. I was a socially awkward child and generally did not have too much to do with other children. I had a difficult time with growing up. I wanted to be a child. I bound my breasts sometimes and wore man-sized tops to hide my physical development. I was not uncomfortable with my gender, just my development. I refused to go to sex education. I also suddenly hated anyone touching me in any way.

I remember when I was 7/8 some other girl played kissing games with me. Later on in life, 16, my only friend (girl) pressured me in to sexual things with her. I said I didn't really want to but she did the things any way so I ended up just going along with it and did the things but, this sounds ridiculous, in the way like I did when I was 7/8 - with no sexual intent or desire and not seeing what I now see as clearly sexual actions as sexual. It disgusts me now that I am older as I honestly am not interested in women.

I still have so many child-like traits and struggle being an adult (I even feel a bit intimidated by children over 10!). Anyone got any ideas what could be wrong with me or what might have caused me to be this way? I am trying to research to try to work out what on earth it might be. I have not ruled out the possibility of abuse when I was child.