Three long breaks, wow, that must be so hard.

The first time my T got pregnant, now about 2,5 years ago, I wasn't this hurt. I was a bit jealous, not because she was pregnant, but because she has a good life and people who love her and I felt so lonely. I didn't really had much people around me. That time I saw her for social anxiety and I was doing better, so I decided to quit.

I started seeing her a year ago because of a severe depression. I only started feeling a bit less bad since two months, but I think it's also because of meds. I think if I would go without therapy I will get a relapse. I'm still far from being ok. In my country a maternity leave is 4 months. And since her ends in the summer, she might also use her vacationdays. I don't know when (if?) she comes back. I was too shocked, I forgot to ask.
I know I can't go on for months without seeing anyone. But I don't want a new T. It would take me so long to open up to someone. It might not even help me because I don't have a connection with that new T and I don't trust that new T. That takes time.

But I have some exams in April and if I pass those, then I'll start college in September. I haven't been to a real school for so many years. School cause me the most anxiety. I'll need someone who can help me with that anxiety. My current T has been the one T who understood my anxiety and knew how to help me.
I don't know how I'll get through it all.

I probably should share all my feelings. But that scares me so much. What if she think I'm being unreasonable, selfish, too dependent on her?
I'm scared for what she thinks, but I'm already going to lose her, so actually it doesn't matter what I say. I can't lose her because of that, because I'm already going to lose her.

Some part of me wants to quit her, to not see her after she somes back, because she leaves me when I need her the most.

But thank you