I've talked to some of my friends from here and from the other mental health site I go to. Some of them have said "no don't do it, keep fighting, you've made progress!" but then they don't know how I've made progress. They just say I have. But if I have, then wouldn't they be able to tell me?

And then there's the other half of my friends, who just say "I can't stop you, but I'll miss you." I'm sorry, but I won't miss you. I'll be dead. Can't miss people if you're dead, right?

*sigh*

I just want to be done.

I'm going to have to accept this stupid ****ing job that I don't ****ing want because it's the only ****ing job that I can ****ing get. But in the meantime, I don't want this job, I don't care about this job. It's pretty much the same as the job that I had a couple of years ago, and I hated that job.

I don't know what to do. But I don't want to keep fighting. These thoughts never stop. How am I supposed to think anything else, want anything else, when I can't get these thoughts to STOP? I ****ing hate myself.