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purplesecrets said:
Sometimes I start to say what goes so deep, then I shut back down as quickly. The lies and deceit of depression seep in all around and I fear no one would care--that what I have to say is not worth anything--that I am not worth anything or anyone's thoughts. The black clouds roll in and I feel like I am suffocating once again. My head hurts so bad but it is not a pain I can stop with tylenol or medication. It is the voices within crying to be heard, begging me to let go and allow them a voice. But I cannot.

So I say I am fine and try to change the conversation, all along knowing what will help to release what is inside. But a secrets a secret. No matter what, you always keep the secrets. So the lies continue to mount up withiin and each time there is another notch to reach beyond. Finally, the voices become so loud that I find myself laying on my bed holding my head and rocking. But they continue to grow ever closer. I cannot push them back anymore but I cannot allow them to be released.

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The only thing that works for me (with a therapist) is to take things slowly -- slowly enough so that I don't get overwhelmed by fear. It makes progress slow, too, but it's better than the alternatives.

And it is good to try to put things into words, even if they are entirely within your mind. I read that memories/feelings get stored in many parts of the brain, and when we put our feelings into words, it organizes things better in the brain. It really does seem to work for me.