Thank you. She's seen this; my last session with her my mood was ping-ponging around. Not as bad as now but she's seen it this bad before. She knows how bad it can get for me with mixed and no sleep.

I have a hard time not feeling responsible for making it easier on her. Which is ridiculous I know; it's her job to tell me I'm over-doing it if I am and to help when it gets like this even though it is frustrating to deal with someone swinging around like I am right now. I think because I worked in healthcare and specifically in psychiatric care for a long time I know a lot about what people will say about patients and I don't want to be the one they are gossiping about. Not that she would but calling her and leaving messages means the secretaries know I'm calling frequently etc. I need to get past my past I guess.

It helps me when I know the situation. If she says that they are short by that dr and that she is filling in that makes more sense to me than just knowing they are short a dr at the hospital where she only works on weekends she's on call. If I don't know that I assume I'm getting shuffled to the bottom while she is doing her normal work and therefore I've somehow annoyed her. Which with my recent moods is entirely possible even though I know she understands. I was a mess, barely able to communicate when I was there in December and that led to this confusion.

I just hope that it really is over and that next week I'll get this med change started.