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Originally Posted by alincdytyourmeds
First most of us here know the struggle of constantly fighting only not to get anywhere is real and makes us all want to give up. I am currently fighting the is it worth it idea right now. That being said, I give you two things to think about. 1. This sucky job, could you maybe give yourself a time limit and try to find a better one during that time frame. I did this after my son was born and had to take a job working nights at a nursing home. I told my husband it was only for 3yrs and when my son turned 3 I quit.
2. I don't know a whole lot about the Jewish religion, but doesn't God want you to trust him in matters of life and death? This is my reason for not giving up. believe me I really really want to (give up I mean). But for some indescribable reason I hold out for hope.
I don't think I helped you a whole lot, but it helped me to see this post and remember the fight may suck, but keep fighting.
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1. The problem with a time limit is that I tend to get fired before that would work. Soooo...... yeah...
2. I don't necessarily believe in G-d, even though I'm a practicing Conservative Jew. According to Judaism, if you commit suicide, then you were "unclean" because you were "sick" and therefore you are "unholy" and can't be buried in a Jewish cemetery. So yeah. *shrugs*
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Originally Posted by wiretwister
I have no advice ... but I really do care and I hate to see you in so much pain ....  |
Thanks
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Originally Posted by Nammu
Have nothing particularly helpful to say just want to say I understand getting tired of the perpetual cycle.
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Thanks
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Originally Posted by jacky8807
Do you think you would be safer inpatient? They also might be able to hit you with something heavy duty to try and knock out the darkness
I have been where you are and you have my sympathy
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No, I would rather die than go inpatient again. I'm on meds, but they have to titrate up to a normal dose really slowly to prevent side effects. I'm currently taking 25mg a day of topomax, for another week. Then, I start taking 50mg a day of topomax for two weeks, then I have a follow up with my psychiatrist and if all if well, I start taking 50mg twice a day for two weeks, etc.
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Originally Posted by BeyondtheRainbow
Ok, I have typed this twice and not said anything and then again and it deleted itself. So I am not going to actually say anything other than you can get through this. I know it feels like you can't but you can. I know because 4 years ago I did. I actually was in the hospital and they were about to send me home and I finally decided that instead of one last "I knew nobody noticed" I would tell the nurse how I really felt. I was kept in the hospital for a lot longer but left it feeling somewhat better and over the next year made some changes in my life that hurt terribly at the time but in the end made my life livable again. It wasn't easy but I made it through and now, even with months of feeling suicidal a lot I have a different perspective and am able to talk to my therapist about it and even at the worst I've been in this year which is really bad I did not return to that desperate, scary, horrifying place I was in 4 years ago.
I wanted to suggest with the 30 therapist practice that maybe you can make a list of some things that you know work for you and give that to them so that they might narrow things down a bit and give you greater odds of getting a match. I also thought that if they have a webpage with blurbs about the therapists that might help you know who is right for you. I've learned that I've got a very specific description of who works for me: male, somewhat older, faith based, firm and not willing to play games, soft-spoken and kind, very caring and someone I genuinely get along with and would in outside life as well. If you can define something it might make it easier to find a match.
I'm going to try to post this and if it doesn't that's clearly a sign that I need to not do this. Hope that posting here helped a bit.
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I don't know what kind of therapist would help me. My first therapist was assigned to me when I was released from inpatient after my attempt three years ago. My second therapist is someone that I found who was an absolute moron who spent five months telling me that I don't need meds because they're too dangerous and too strong and she doesn't think I'm actually bipolar and she doesn't think there's anything really wrong with me, etc. So yeah. I was relatively stable when I was on lithium, and I stopped taking it for a number of reasons, one of which was because I was spending an hour every week being told by my therapist about how I didn't need meds. And at first, I was fine after stopping it. But by the time I noticed that I wasn't fine without the meds, it was kinda too late for me to just start taking it again, and my new psychiatrist doesn't want to put me back on it because of some other health issues that have cropped up recently. Which is why we're trying topomax.