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I've never done this before, but I feel lost and confused and I don't feel like other people understand even if I tell them the little information I understand about Aspergers. Before I begin with the background, I want to stress that I do not want to leave him I just simply want some advise and being able to understand what he could possibly be thinking. I also want to apologise for the length of the post.
I just want to start of with saying that I'm extremely shy and I believe I have anxiety (especially when it comes to socialising).
So I'll begin in early April I started messaging this guy which I'll call Gamerboy, he was quite charming and funny and he seem to accept my jokes and sarcasm. At the time I was somewhat involved with another guy, so I was just friends with him. Gamerboy messaged me almost daily either when he woke up or got home from college. A few weeks passed and things with the other guy weren't going well due to pressuring, so I left him. Gamerboy hinted he was interested in me, but we both agreed that dating online wasn't really dating and that we wouldn't count it as dating until we were together in person. We started to get to know one another and he told me about his Aspergers and gave me a quick run through on what it was. For a few weeks things went really well (we had said “I love you” a couple times as well), then on his last day of college he told me he had kissed another girl. He told me he had a crush on this girl during high school and she came up to him and without thinking about it he kissed her. Gamerboy also told me he felt guilty about it the whole day (I'm about 14hrs ahead of him). I insisted that he should go out with her (seeing as he had a crush on her), but he told me he wanted to be with me and that the girl was one of those girls that sleeps around. I didn't speak to him much for a few days, but he mentioned that the girl wanted him to go see her over the weekend and he refused to go. I ended up forgiving him and things were fine again for a little while.
I believe late May or June, he started acting different, his replies were delayed either by hours or days and they didn't sound like he was really interested in replying to me anymore. I didn't know what to do, so I started to ask for advise from people and they were all saying that he wasn't interested in me. I didn't believe them and kept trying to message him every couple of days or at least once a week. Eventually though in mid/late July I started to believe what everyone had been saying and stopped messaging him. During this time he was Snapchatting me with his outings and I would check out his story. On a couple occasions I saw him with this other girl and in my eyes they seemed to be more than friends as he was going to her house whilst she was still sleeping, ect (this could just be me getting jealous over nothing though).
Around late July/early August he finally messaged me again, he apologised for not messaging me and said the reason he hadn't been messaging me was because he was busy earning money to come here. Which I thought was a lie due to what I saw on Snapchat, however at the time I didn't really know how to react as I was shocked he was texting me again after a month and half. So I somewhat swept it under the mat. He asked me to Skype him then and there and I kept coming up with petty excuses such as "I'm crying right now and don't want you to see me", but he kept asking so I ended up saying something like "Because I don't want you near me right now". He went away overseas with his family for a few weeks (he said he would message me whilst oversea, but due to bad wifi he didn't which I was okay with), but requested to Skype when he came back. He messaged me as soon as he got home mid August and we tried to patch things up.
From late August to late October I wasn't dealing with life very well and became quite rude and mean towards Gamerboy, so we didn't text much. We organised to Skype during this period multiple times, but failed, either because he went out/forgot (which would always result in me getting mad at him) or I wasn't ready in time. During September sometime I saw on his Snapchat story a picture that said “Out on a date – not replying”, my heart literally felt like it broke and he messaged me when he got home, we argued about that. He explained to me that the picture meant he went out with his brother and brother's mate. We made up for that a few days later, I apologised for getting jealous over nothing and he apologised for putting something like that up. End of October I apologised for rude/mean behaviour and he told me his plans on starting a YouTube channel based on gaming.
We continued to try to Skype for a couple weeks, until I couldn't take the fact that he never showed up. I ended up getting really mad at him, and we tried to sort things out. I explained to him how communication was key at the moment as we can't do other things like a normal couple would (date wise anyways) and told him about my shyness (even though I had told him about this previously). He mentioned to me that he was trying to be what I wanted him to be, but was struggling and I told him to be himself as that was the guy I liked originally and that I thought he was being a jerk at the moment and was too busy trying to be popular to notice what was in front of him, which I instantly regretted. This made him mad as he didn't like that's how I was seeing him. So for about a month we asked each other questions and got to really know one another. During this time it seems like he accepted me as his girlfriend, started calling us a couple and started hinted he loves me.
Early December my older brother came up with the idea to swap our consoles, as I have a PS4 and he has an Xbox One. I believe he asked mainly due to the fact Black Ops 3 has/had some exclusive with PS4. Anyways, after thinking it through I decided to agree, I asked Gamerboy if he would game with me if I swapped, he said he would. I didn't do the swap until a few day before Christmas. I told Gamerboy a couple days after Christmas, as I wanted to make sure I had everything I needed (controller was broken and wanted a headset so I could talk with Gamerboy). I asked him if we could have a game on the weekend, and he said we could that day. At first I didn't want to because the game we were going to play (Black Ops 3) I'm terrible at and I wanted time to practice, but he said we could practice together, so I agreed. After having some issues with adding each other as a friend, he added me to a game. He probably spent about 5-10 mins trying to talk to me, with no answer from me as I was having a panic attack (just want to throw in here, that I've never let anyone online hear my voice before or say more than a few words), but I eventually answered and we played 2 games. I believe we spent about an hour to an hour and a half playing. He did most of the talking, and was really encouraging on how well I was gaming (I'm not sure I was doing that well though, as I spent 60-80% of the time hidden behind him).
A few days later my brother asked me if I had played Black Ops 3 and I mentioned I had but with someone. My brother guessed that Gamerboy was my boyfriend and asked me to organised a game with him. I organised for the game to happen over the weekend when it was morning time for Gamerboy. The day arrived when my brother and him were to have their game. However that morning he asked me if I wanted to have a game with him and I agreed. I spent about 2hrs online, before asking him if we were still gonna have a game, he said "in a bit" and I continued to wait for another hour before giving up. Night time came (morning for him) and my brother came over for their game, my brother spent about 2-3hrs online before deciding to go home. I got mad at him again and said to him "He managed to let me down twice in one day", he apologised. On an almost weekly bases I ask to have a game with him (as I don't want to be shy around him), he agrees but never shows up. I always organise to have the game on the weekend, as we're both busy during the week (although I know he plays video games daily). The last time I organised to have a game with him was about a week ago. I messaged him on the day, and he left me on "read" (but sometimes he replies and it doesn't show up for some reason until the next time he messages me). I messaged him a couple days after that to let him know that I wouldn't be bothering him as much anymore and that he could decide when we text and game. The message was delivered (but had the light D that Kik messages show). I again messaged him a few days later continuing the message I had previously written and the message was delivered again. I haven't been on the app until today where it showed he been on the app but hadn't read my messages.
I've heard that people with Aspergers sometimes shutdown/withdraw, so I was wondering if someone could explain why this happens and how long they last? (I know I mentioned that during one period of time it was a month and half, but I just wanted to know if it will be the same amount of time each time). Also if that's what's currently happen? And is this something that will continue to happen throughout the relationship?
Also wondering if someone could possibly explain what I mean to him? Or if you could just try to explain to me what he could be thinking in general?
But the one question I really want answered out of all my questions is, why does he agree to Skype/play video games with me and then doesn't show up? Is there something I can do to change this? Example, ask him to have a weekly game on Sunday or something.
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