I certainly did that with my ex-husband for a long time. He kept mistreating me and I kept loving him.

For me, it wasn't entirely about him. It was about being true to myself, too. I am a loving and loyal person at heart. I believe in second chances, and I try to see the value in people no matter what their personality traits. So my loving him despite his behavior was also being true to myself and my own personality. I had had the same kind of love for other family and friends, and even if someone temporarily acted badly, my faith in them was eventually returned with love.

Of course, for a long time, I honestly did not know about personality disorders. So when my husband treated me badly, I thought he was just acting like a jerk at that moment, and he would eventually realize he was wrong, apologize, and learn from his mistakes. Hope springs eternal. I don't think I was trying to change him - I just thought that his brain worked the same way mine does. Everyone acts like a jerk sometimes, but they realize it and stop. I thought that was what was going on.

But once I started to read about personality disorders, all of his behaviors fit almost perfectly within the description of NPD. I realized that placing my loyalty and hope and value in him was not going to have the same result as it does with other people. Suddenly it all made a lot more sense. Knowledge was power in my situation.