I'm leaving in like a half hour. Feeling a bit sad. Nervous that we won't connect. You see, I tend to get mad. I get mad so I don't have to deal with the less favorable feelings of abandonment, hurt, emptiness, etc. So I'm afraid that I am going to get angry at him and it's going to screw up the connection. I don't want to walk out of there angry either, though. So my defense isn't really working. Because I want to walk out safe and connected. But since I am afraid of abandonment, hurt, and emptiness, I choose anger because it's easier. Yea, it's easier to act out anger rather than sit there exploring the other stuff, but none of it's going to feel good when I walk out and don't see him for 2 weeks. The anger isn't going to make me feel a connection or a sense of object constancy when he's gone. I better tell him all of this as soon as I walk in before I lose regulation of my emotions.