I'm pretty stressed out lately and all over the place with my moods and feelings: anxiety, sadness, anger, etc. I can't sleep and am just plain volatile, with things very near the surface. I've kept so much contained for so long that it is starting to seep out, and since I am such a novice at anger, I am not good at knowing what to do with it (besides stuff it inside). I think I am not much fun to be around lately. Who am I?

So last session I told my T about being so volatile and stuff seeping out. He said it sounds like I'm angry. He wanted to know if I wanted help with that or if I wanted to just let it be? There was this choice. I had to think about this. Sometimes there can be value in just sitting with your feelings in therapy with your T. But yet he also offered to actively help if I wanted that. A choice. My choice. I do love how he gives me choices and doesn't push one direction on me.

I asked him how he could help, and he said he thought EMDR would really help me release and process some of the anger I was stuck in. I readily agreed, since we have done EMDR several times in the past, and it really helped me. Although before we didn't do it for anger but for processing stuck trauma, so this would be something new. And I was curious. I am tired of not being able to sleep and feeling so stressed and angry. I feel like I am just not me anymore. And I need to be really functional for all of my divorce negotiations. So bring on the EMDR. We'll give it a go next week. In the meantime, T asked me to make a list of things I was angry about before our next session. I had already done a similar thing quite a few months ago, but this list would be somewhat different in focus and actually easier. So last night I sat down to work on my list and it just made me so angry to write down the things I was angry about. It was triggering. Was this supposed to help me? Or just get me ready for the EMDR? It made me feel awful. I don't think I'll work on the list anymore. I don't want to feel angry, and making this list only provoked more anger in myself.

I am so clueless about anger. Why is making a list helpful? Will we light a fire after the EMDR and burn the list together? (I'll bring the hot dogs if he brings the marshmallows.)