Beth:

Boy, can I relate ! I know how you feel. That is all I ever wanted from my own mother, but she abandoned me at age 4 and when she did come back into my life, she abused me physically and mentally. I was the oldest of her 5 children and I caught the brunt of everything. It was all my fault. I was to blame. I never felt worthy of anything. No love, pride, nothing.

I met my husband when I was 14 and we married when I was 17 and I haven't looked back. He is my one good source. He's the one who told me I was worth it. I was worthy and he loved me. Was that ever a relief to me! To finally have someone to lean on.

My mother had a crisis a few months ago. Was hospitalized and diagnosed with DID. She also have major recurrent depression, which, at this point she's not even seeing her pdoc or her therapist, says she cant afford it.

I have finally came to the realization that she will never change. Never. I have to be the best I can be and do the best I can without her. I think really, Beth, what we want is the idea of a mother. What a mother is supposed to be. I get that here, even though alot of people here are the same age as me or younger! They offer the support and caring without conditions.

If you'd like please pm me and I will talk to you. I know what you're going through, but I think sometimes we have to think about ourselves and I've cut ties with my mother, even though she only lives 6 mi. away, simply because it was unhealthy for me to have a relationship with her and that is so very sad.

I wish you luck. I hope you do know that people can relate, definitely this girl!

Take Care of yourself.

(((((((((((Hugs))))))))))))
Kimberly.