It's guilt, I know that much. Guilt over...something.Over not being hurt when others are, but still being mentally messed up. I've read enough to know self-esteem is an almost foreign concept to me, that I'm "too hard on myself" (though I would debate that), and I can be obsessive, needy, and perfectionistic, I also have a terror of intimacy. All of these are things that should correlate with some sort of trauma or abuse. But I don't have any, nothing valid. So...what? Are my experiences even real, can I trust that I'm not manufacturing emotional content for personal fulfillment or sympathy? It's not like my self-knowledge ever goes anywhere.

Nothing's wrong indeed - that's the problem.

I guess the only good thing is this is the first time in a good few months these thoughts have recurred. Though I still don't know what to do with them.