I think that parents who want tons of gratitude are actually wanting to balance off something from their own history. My father was kind of like that. It sounded to me like he had done a lot for his mother and got little acknowledgement for it. I think, in his own mind, he always compared how much had been demanded of him with what we did, or didn't do.

You have the idea that your parents stayed together only as a favor to you. You may be underestimating what needs of their own they were meeting in staying together.

It's real common, for instance, for women with abusive partners to claim that they take all kinds of abuse so as to deflect it away from their children . . . that they must palaver their husbands so as to protect their children. Unhappy men will claim that supporting their families has kept them from realizing any of their dreams . . . that they are nothing more than a paycheck to their wives and children. All these types want to wear the martyr's crown. I don't buy it.

Of all higher animals, no one walks away from offspring quicker than humans, when they think the grass is greener somewhere else. If only humans, on average, were as loyal and committed as penguins.

If you think deeper about what other options your parents had and why they didn't pursue them, you might come to understand that it wasn't all about what benefitted you.

Children blame themselves for all kinds of things . . . parents staying together, parents getting divorced. Your parents did what they chose to do.