Thanks! I'll def be bringing it up with him. I think he will be receptive to the hydroxyzine as I really feel I need benzos but he's cautious given the substance abuse. The only other thing I was willing to give a go other than the mood stabilisers at this stage is mirtazipine, to aid sleep & agitation & maybe help keep depression at bay too. So I'm not sure whether to push the idea of depakote & mirtazipine, or lamictal & hydrozyzine. Starting 2 simultaneously is probably not the best idea though. But I figure depakote might help anxiety & the hypomanias, & with mirtazipine to keep the black dog away but also help sleep. Or lamictal as an antidepressant mood stabiliser with hydroxyzine to help with anxiety & sleep. So I suppose you can see I'm keen to have something to combat the agitation & anxiety foremost, prevent depression & aid sleep. If only it were so easy! I don't think he will be pleased when I go back to see him with a list of meds, including med combos I want to try & the admission that I ceased all of his meds without his approval or even telling him. I will add that I feel really secretive about how I feel. I don't like my partner knowing what I'm feeling most of the time. He doesn't understand the fluctuation of symptoms or my inability to pull myself out of them, so he just believes I'm being dramatic. I do a lot of hiding of symptoms when I can. This has gone off topic haha sorry.