What makes me so mad is that if my body is given the choice I go to sleep early and wake early. but the insomnia makes that impossible. Which seems backwards and is very hard to explain to people who think if I just went to bed at night I'd fall asleep and my bipolar would go away (I really have someone in my life who says that although not to me). My mom says that when bipolar was new to her all she could think about is my sleep when I was an infant and how disordered it was. My infancy was a complete nightmare that involved phones off the hook and signs on the door telling people to not knock under any circumstancs. My mom slept in little bits when I did, always on the couch with me laying on her. It was bad. And it never was good.

Tonight isn't going well. I'm anxious about nothing. Sleep is far off and it's too soon to medicate; it won't work. Ugh.