Hello,

You said before you've never been abused, just a bit psychologically neglected.

What do you mean by "psychologically neglected", exactly?

One could easliy wander off to the "repressed memories" field and suggest that you might be actually feeling the aftershocks of some traumatic event that you cannot/do not want to remember. But I'd find it dangerous to even suggest such a thing, because that might create even more problems where problems do not exist.

Anyway, I'm no expert, just someone who's been reading too much lately, trying to figure out what's wrong with me.

But one thing I can say: whatever it is going on with you, self-flagellation is not going to help. I'd perhaps risk saying that what you need is a competent mental help professional to aid you figuring out what's wrong.

I know how hard is to find that professional, I've been searching for months actually, and had no luck so far. I've had a couple of "half-appointments" about 10 years ago and I just walked away because people were more interested in telling me to just "get over it" and "change my attitude" rather than working with me and showing me how to overcome my difficulties.

But I haven't given up yet, I'm still trying to find someone able to help me.

I wish you the best of luck.