Thanks for all the input. I am definitely --- confused. And hoping there is some sudden answer that becomes clear soon.

We went to his surgeon yesterday and his recovery will be at least 2 months of constant dependency. I just flat out cannot do that! But he indicated he expects me to. I told him that I have a career and my own commitments already in place and I can't be that caregiver. He was upset.

I am absolutely horrified by the prospect of his medical problems. Especially because his job is his entire identity and if this surgery goes haywire, he will lose his entire self. And then what do I do? I can barely keep my own life together, let alone be the positive one to support him and try to help him through it.

I have honestly thought multiple times this last 24 hours how little I want to be here. I went to sleep wishing I didn't wake up because it is absolutely overwhelming. I just started a new semester of grad school, my work is nuts and swamped, and now I am faced with the prospect of taking care of a grown man for months and potentially having him lose his identity which I know will crush him. I just don't know if I can do this.

But I can't afford to just move out. I sold everything when I moved in with him. My appliances, my bed. I would be starting from scratch. And I can't do that.

I feel so trapped. And all my therapist tells me is to stay strong, be positive, it will work out. I'm so tired of waiting for life to work out for me. I put myself on hold to help others that I don't know if I'll ever be able to focus on MY life and MY dreams and MY hopes.

Sorry. I just--- I am so near my breaking point and instead of being able to take solace at least in my home, I am horrified to go there. Because I will have to face the reality I have a partner that cannot be a support for me, and I in turn must be his.