</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
Today I have fantasized about killing self and other attached powers. Very sad really. All I want is to prevent more pain.


</div></font></blockquote><font class="post"> (((WW))) Please realize that you do have control of this situation, as much as those with the agency are trying to force your hand.

If it is causing you this much distress, what they ask, what you feel you need to do, then it just isn't the right thing for you, is it?

Step back and reevaluate, please. Is there another place for the child? If she has learned that you can love her, then she will continue to learn that more than you can love her, and she can have limitless love.

It does no good to destroy things that help you deal with life, with what you like to do, that might change your attitude and ability to cope in the future.

Allow them to be right on this one. Let the child go, keep your little guys, and keep your sanity, is what I suggest. At the very least, reconsider that such conflict might be trying to tell you there is someone else you can help, maybe, instead of this one. You have helped her, maybe in ways another couldn't, but now they can pick up where you are being prevented from going.

Having thoughts like this mean this is perhaps too much for you. What does your T say? Though you T may "get" it, the T may have more words of wisdom for you. Suicidal homicide is not the answer.