Quote:
Originally Posted by eeyorestail
With the new information that your husband was the one pushing the counseling, I am a little concerned. It sounds like he thinks that in order for the two of you to have a good marriage, you need to get along with his parents. Perhaps he feels like he is "stuck in the middle" of the conflict between you sometimes.
The thing is, this is not the case. In a marriage, there is no need to get along with the in-laws. There should be no middle. One's spouse (and children, if there are any) comes first. If one's parents are acting in a toxic way towards one's spouse, it's time to say, "Until you can treat my spouse with respect, we can't have a relationship anymore."
Now, if counseling can help the spouse and the in-laws come to this position of mutual respect, great! But it doesn't sound like that's what's happening here. It sounds like you go into therapy and bare your soul to these people. Of course you do--you are a nice, honest person and you just want to get along...
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I appreciate your comment and concerns. Me and Husband have been to counseling and it was great for us! My In-Laws are not warm, supporting people. I guess my Husband was hoping, as a last effort, that counseling would have the same effect on them as it did for us.
Me and my Husband are great! One of the issues is, I have absolutely NO family, so whatever drama his side creates, takes over. Also, he works for the family business. We have a tentative 3 year plan of him exiting. It's so complicated and not easy.
I'm beginning to realize his parent are much like mine. Broken, dysfunctional and can't not see past themselves and the effects of what they've done. I left my family to be healthy and happy. It's unfortunate, that I married into another dysfunctional family, but no family is ever perfect. My husband is the love of my life and I'm grateful he is trying. It's not easy for him. He is also taking big steps to get out of middle. I'm helping by communicating with them directly.
I did not take any offense to what you said. You were more cautious then most and gentle in your response.
