I get mad at myself for this, well, after I get mad at T, haha. The thing is that sometimes my T seems to reflect back my own look of apprehension, which to me feels awful, because I want to pass the pain to her for her to neutralize it but it doesn't work if she looks as fearful as I do. Then other times I look apprehensive and instead she has this everything-is-gonna-be-okay smile which half the time calms me but other half the time seems presumptuous and conceited, as if she knows better or my problems are trivial.

Then once I mentioned this to her (a softer and less blaming version of the above) and she said with a smile, Well...how do you want me to react?

Then I got mad at myself. I thought to myself, Well what the hell do I want?

I felt embarrassed though I don't think she meant to embarrass me, she was just asking as a way to bring my attention to what it is that I want but now I find it a kind of weakness in me, as if I'm a child who won't be pacified.

But I don't want to be mad at myself, I want to be compassionate. So I thought I'll ask here, see if anybody can relate...hopefully. Therapy can feel like such a lonely endeavor sometimes, it helps me bring compassion to myself if I can find others share some aspect of how I feel.

Does what I say make any sense?