Quote:
Originally Posted by vonmoxie
When I isolated, it broke down a lot of friendships I previously had. I didn't make myself available to others, and that understandably hurt a lot of people; or they just moved on. At my age (oldish) it's harder to start new friendships, as most people my age have mostly already sorted themselves out in that regard.
So what has stopped me personally is that I couldn't get the quality of connection that I once did, between having messed up those friendships, and also that my very best friend and my husband had both passed away, and so I miss the sense of possibility I once had through better connections. I just had to accept that loss -- which was easier said than done, because first one has to realize what a loss really is for them, what it entails, in order to be able to accept it and thus be able to start from where you are. Like when my husband passed, I had to realize and accept not just that he was gone, but all the ways in which he enriched my life, my humanity.. real loss inevitably involves a lot of spiritual work.
Patience helps me a lot. I appreciate however present other persons are able to be in the moment with me, knowing it varies a lot. People have things on their mind, feel prevented from connecting for whatever reason whether it's because they are angry, forlorn, frustrated, or what have you. I know that if they are rude, or aloof, it's more to do with who they are than it is to do with who I am.
There are a few different meet-ups where I live for shy people.. maybe if there's something like that near you ( here @meetup) it could be a positive opportunity for you, to be able to work on socializing with others for whom it is also meaningful to do so..? Just an idea. 
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I am sorry for your loss. So, you haven't been that way all the time? I mean your relationship with your husband, I would assume, was enough for you?
I think I have the same feeling about the relationships of quality. I mean, even though I am hungry for a social relationship, most people I encounter are just careless, ignorant, and pretentious. I am so sensitive to these things in others. So, I guess my sensitivity plays a role in my isolation.
It is said that Issac Newton was very fragile emotionally. I guess that is why he didn't have many friends (actually he made many enemies), and didn't get married. But at least he is Isaac Newton, the most intelligent man on Earth, many scientists say.