Hmmm... You're creating a problem that doesn't actually exist. For me, you will take a lot of process to cope with that as your mind is full of destructive thoughts towards yourself. You may need someone (a therapist, or counselor) to help you with this to deal with one by one. People doesn't deserve to be punished. We deserved to be valued and cared. And remember, you are precious... believe it or not. You cannot change that truth.