Ok, so i need someone to help me put things in perspective. I am feeling allot of pressure to change up my job situation. When i made this post, it was the height of **** hitting the fan, as things can do in a family/small biz. It has happened before- I am trying my best to implement ways and structure w/in the biz, so it is easier moving forward and we dont go up the creek each time when things are bad or slow.

I am well aware of that some aspects of this job are unhealthy. I think there are also aspects of this job that i have grown into so much, that when i did take another job- i really missed. (grass is always greener).

The thing is that I like to learn, i like to advance and i love to read. However, i hate too much work, structure and restriction. here- i can peruse online (and post here) at will, b/c its partially my company, i am a partner / legally on corp books. When times are lean, i can lay back more, and when they are good, i can go on vacation and take long weekend w/ my BF.

See- being in my mental state- which is easily tilted i realized, stress is not great for me, either is lack of sleep or too much change. the thought of a job working the typical grind doesnt so much scare me as is entirely unappealing to me!

Now, i can roll out of bed, chill work out and take my time, go to office around 9-10ish ... work a few hours, in a relaxed environment for the most part, unsupervised, with my Dad offering me oatmeal or coffee.
Most days i leave by 3-4pm, go home, relax, cook, be happy, see my BF. (he usually comes home in a decent mood b/c he actually likes to work - the whole German work ethic thing is no lie). And some days he comes home exhausted b/c he is on the phone ALL day, while im lucky to make a few calls a day. i hate talking on the phone, so im good w/ that.

I feel like there are voices saying " youre just making excuses- you know better".
My BF and others might say - time for a new job. But that is when im complaining, stressed and miserable. (which happens in a VERY extreme way for me, due to my illness ....)

so, i guess there is no real answer here except for the one i choose to make .... I know i am part mother hen, but i am the big sister, i always have iked it a bit, my siblings really look up to me. they think i am professional and glue the family together. so , it is not totally unappreciated..

my bf- he likely envies some of my free time, or he thinks i should make more Loot. or he wants no more of my complaining...

but i just know myself, at my last job, i was not happy! i grew tired of the long hours, i got into mischief w/ my assistant b/c of boredom. i did that b/c i had to do it. and it was right for me at that time, allowed me to be free and single for the first time in my whole life. it was incredibly liberating!

sometimes im like "omg here i am, im back here again!" and sometimes im like "phew, thank god, here i am and i can just relax and do things at my own pace, and sometimes not go in at all, b/c that is just me and what i need". and my dad and i still love eachother, and he and i both trust and understand eachother even though things are not always easy.

Lets see what happens friends!!! thanks for the support and <3 to you all