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Old Aug 25, 2007, 12:42 AM
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Rapunzel Rapunzel is offline
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Member Since: Jun 2003
Location: noplace
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It is important to be able to feel safe with your therapist. Maybe the most useful direction for this conversation would be how to know that you are safe with your therapist. Talking to him or her about it, like Pegasus did, is perfect if you are concerned. Also observe the boundaries that your therapist keeps, and how easily or how far they will bend the rules. Quite a lot of us as clients have a wish to be "special" and to have more than a clinical relationship with our therapists. If you wish that you could do something with your therapist outside of the office, or be friends, or anything outside of the usual, you could talk about those wishes, hypothetically. There might sometimes be a legitimate reason to adjust a boundary if there is a clear benefit to the client, but not often, and never so far as to violate the boundary. You can feel confident if your therapist maintains strong boundaries.

I have had two past therapists (and maybe one more I thought I heard something about) who at some point in their careers had their licenses revoked for having an affair with a client. They didn't do anything wrong with me, although both of them had looser boundaries than other therapists. Both of them came to my house, one when I was alone. He offered to help me learn how to decorate (I had never considered that idea before), and he asked for a tour. It did make me uncomfortable, but I would have been able to say no if he had tried something weirder than that, at least I hope.

I'm still able to trust my current T because she behaves in an ethical way at all times, and has never given me any cause to think she wanted anything from me that isn't right. It is important to be able to trust your T, and to trust yourself. If you feel that you might give in to something that you will regret later, you need to recognize that and keep yourself safe. Make sure there is someone else you trust, and that you can check things out if you are uncomfortable. You can always come here.

Therapists don't set out to hurt people, but they are human too, and can make mistakes. Even if that happens, it's not likely to be by force, but more likely by persuasion, or simply giving in to something that should be recognized instead for what it is. They have more responsibility in the relationship, but if we are able to say no, and recognize appropriate boundaries, we can keep ourselves safe.
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“We should always pray for help, but we should always listen for inspiration and impression to proceed in ways different from those we may have thought of.”
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