Yeah, I think you should just ask . I asked my ex T once if she thought I had BPD and she brought out her DSM and went through all of the symptoms with me and after discussing it we came to the conclusion that although I have some BPD traits I don't meet the full diagnostic criteria. Maybe it is the same for you and that's why "there have been talks about it" but no actual diagnoses? It's always worth asking I think!