Everyday this week, (or pretty damn close) I have experienced a breakdown. I can feel one right now, it's not fun. This just shows my depression has hit stone.

I have two counselling appointments a week, but don't want to cut now because they might ask.. but with these breakdowns, I really, really need to do it but I can't because somehow, irresponsible me lost them. So now I am freaking out.

Everything hits rock during these breakdowns. Everything goes dark, and it hurts to stay awake during the breakdowns. It's like when it's raining and you have to squint your eyes to see further.. that's how this is for me. Except, you would think the storm would end four years later.

I can't handle this, much like I can't handle myself. I don't know what to do with myself anymore.