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Originally Posted by sensatives
I'm sorry this is long! I need some advice.
I have a friend who is quite the liar. She lies a lot to get attention, and it has worked. There are many people who consider her inspirational, relatable, etc, etc, because she publicly talks about her made-up struggles online.
I care about her, she's been my friend from childhood but I cannot trust her anymore. Because I thought what she'd been telling me was true.
She never treated me like a friend. She's always been aware of my struggle with mental illnesses, and she used to be the person I'd go to when I was having an episode. And instead of listening to me or comforting me, she'd try to make my situation about herself and how she's been through it and managed to overcome it (when she hasn't!).
I feel like I've spent my entire life being her therapist more than her friend. All I do is listen to her (now fake) life-stories and comfort her. But I loved her and didn't mind, but now I feel betrayed.
1. She's been lying all along that her friend passed away. She used that story all these years as the "catalyst" for her so-called mental illnesses. She'd fake flashbacks, and make fake blog posts about him. But I found out.. he isn't real.
2. We talk on Skype a lot (without webcam) and she constantly talks about self-harm and suicide and creates fake scenarios that make it seem like she's attempted! When she's actually just at home bathing in the attention she's getting. I've gotten so triggered by these events, I can't even explain.
3. She's lied about people abusing her. She's made fake profiles for her fake characters. She's stolen pictures online and claimed they were pictures of these people she created.
4. She steals art and literary work from not-so well known artists and claims them as their own on Facebook, to get positive feedback from people.
She lives a very happy life. She's lied about her family being dysfunctional, she has tons and tons of friends, everyone loves her. She's doing great things in life. I have nothing, my entire life's been ruined by my mental illnesses, and I didn't care... until I found out she'd been lying this whole time.
I devoted my time and love towards her. I ignored my own pain to comfort her. And they were ALL LIES. And she never, not once cared for me. That's what hurts me the most.
I don't know what to do. Should I confront her? We hardly see each other face to face, by the way,since we live quite far from each other now. We usually talk on the phone or on social media.
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First of all, how did you find out that she lied about all those things? Some lies are so obvious, that it's laughable, but some aren't so obvious. Did you ever call her out on her lies? If so, how did she respond? I used to have a former best friend that was a total drama queen. She was great at first, but then I started to realize that she'd often say HUH all the time when I was talking to her as if she wasn't really listening to me.
She'd then kind of disappear and say that she'd have no time for friends when a new guy came into her life. She talked about herself way to much and would interrupt me quite a bit. She was so rude! She'd also lie about how much weight she supposedly lost, but it was very clear that she was at least 50 or more pounds heavier than what she stated. She was disappointed when I saw her after she claimed to have lost 30 pounds.
She still looked the same to me and she told me that everyone told her that she looked smaller, and for me to not notice that baffled and kind of upset her. OK, whatever! I was nice and told her that her arms looked smaller, kind of, and she was like, what? My arms look smaller? She was clearly upset that I didn't compliment her in the way that she wanted me to, ugh! She didn't contact me for awhile after that. She turned out to be quite passive-aggressive. And she didn't take any criticism well at all! And nothing was ever her fault, not ever!
Wow, she is what is known as a toxic person. She is NOT a real friend at all! She is a liar, a user, and a manipulator. She sounds like she has a narcissitic personality disorder. True friendship is about honesty and a fair amount of give and take most of the time.
I agree with what the person above me stated 100%. Move on. Forget about her. Delete her on FB or any other site that you are on. Block her email and number too. It sounds harsh, but she is clearly causing you a lot of mental anguish and is doing nothing for you now.
I've been through similair situations, but nothing as severe as what you described. Some people have an insatiable need for attention and validation. You are not her therapist. The it's all about her and how she's so "great" and "talented" or whatever facade is toxic. Cut her off for good and even if she finds a way to contact you, ignore her. People like that rarely ever change. Like I said, you are not a friend to her. She is just using you and other people to feel better about herself. It's really pathetic and immature, but it is what it is.