I'm going through a separation from my partner of 19 yrs and 5 children together. I have BPD,anxiety, depression and co-dependency. He shows narcissistic traits.
Any how, several times over the past year he had felt very hurt and betrayed by me and felt I guess like he's tired of going through things with me so he brought the kids into conversations and told them every dirty horrible thing I've ever done. Every gory detail. Details about my dysfunctional sex life going back to when I lost my virginity as a 15 year old.
My kids are 18,16,13,11,9 years old.

My 13 and 16 year old now see me and their fathers relationship chaos as all my fault and they understand why things have been so difficult for their dad. They agree with him that I have been the problem the whole time and that they should b with him.
I'm so so so list right now. I've had a good relationship with my kids. Always the one to take care of them and the house. But now I feel like they would just rather I go away and I can't imagine life without them.
We have a court date on Feb 2nd to talk to the judge and get total custody to my partner.
I'm so scared of being pushed out of their lives for good. I'm not living at the house right now. While he was telling them all theses things about me I felt so much shame and embarrassment. I wish I would have kept in mind that every thing I do has an effect on my kids and family.maybe I would not have done those things if I would have known my kids would know about them one day.
I thought that they would be able to see my love for them and know that those things didn't have any thing to do with them. But they are on his side. Maybe I should just go away. ...I'm so broken right now.