My heart goes out to you because I'm in the exact same place as you are right now. The pain is just unbelievable painful and I don't want to live anymore either. It's a battle to try to hang on. Yesterday, I had a horrible battle but somehow pulled through.
You are not alone.
I've had a lot of losses too and also I'm facing serious money crises and I feel so much despair that it's hard to go on. But I will try to take it one day at a time.
Keep reaching out.