Oh I tried to get away. I applied for grad school several states away, deep in the South and got accepted. I moved and began starting my life over. When the psychotic episode happen I had to abandon school and move back in with my parents to get treatment. My sister knows that my main motivation for moving to Texas was to get away from my family and she has never forgiven me for this. It was okay for her to abandon me when she met her fiance, but for me to want a fresh start and continue my higher education? Apparently that was a huge no-no.
As of right now I'm drowning in student loan debt and not getting any assistance from my family. My parents make me pay $300 rent, even though they know I'm struggling. This month I know I won't be able to make that payment, because my student loans come first. My bills are roughly $648 a month, and I make a little over $800 a month if I'm lucky. I'm only part time. Sometimes I work five days a week, sometimes three. I have no control over my work schedule. So how much I make is never a guarantee.
I remember when I was job searching my mother told me no one would hire me. Yet kept pushing me to get a job. She tried to put me in a mental health housing community despite being way too high functioning to qualify. My therapist thought it was absolutely ridiculous that she was even entertaining that thought.
I'm not saying I'm easy to live with, what with medical problems and a really defective memory and the fact I don't drive. I know how inconvenient I am. And I'm making efforts to change this. As soon as I get the EEG results back, and if I'm not epileptic, then I'm working on getting my license. Even though I couldn't possibly afford a car. Not even a used one. But having a license will help me get a better paying job. Which is my only ticket out of here.
I just got a new therapist, who is assessing me for whether or not I should do EMDR therapy. At home I spend most of my time by myself, isolated from the rest of the family because I can't handle being around them. I'm hyper alert when in the same room as my mother, and just waiting for a verbal attack. A look. She sneers at me often. And it just makes me leave because who wants to be around someone like that.
I think my dad does love me though, he just shows it through actions. Like when I just gave him change to grab me a single bottle of Pepsi and he brings me a 6 pack. Sometimes he really just surprises me. I know his anger isn't directed at me, its from his own abusive childhood, and the...um...unfulfilled relationship he has with my mom. I'll just say they have separate bedrooms and seem to love their dogs more than each other.