I’m 17. I have some good things going for me. I speak several languages, I flatter people easily, I dress well… But I feel dead inside. I am lonely, and I accepted it indefinitely both for selfish and benevolent reasons. I am cynical, in a sort of opti-pessimism (I appreciate things the way they are because I know they could always (or will always) get worse). This philosophy justifies my seclusion. I go on with life stoically, and it works. But when my “depression” (it feels wrong to call it this because I know I’m not in such a dark place as so many poor souls here) strikes, I can’t do what I need to do: study, work on Model UN or things I am interested in…

I live in a high-academic pressure community. Lots of peer pressure. This combines badly with my desire for greatness in life (what I mean by this is achieving a high position for a good cause). I feel like I would rather die than be mediocre – my mom tells me basically that it would be okay while my “ambitious” classmates take on so much stress and go on smiling that I wonder what the hell is wrong with me. My parents recently separated, and we were in a stressful, crappy military situation for most of my childhood, but I don’t think this much stress could have come from that alone. Basically, I want to know what’s wrong with me, why do I feel like this for a healthy 17-year old boy?