good morning (evening) couch!

it's monday again hoo rah. i'll be seeing t probably on thursday after work, we decided not to wait 2 weeks this time after our talk the other day when I asked myself out loud "why can't I leave you alone in between". she's not available next Saturday and we were going to do Friday after work but I had to change that cuz I have to drop my son off at school at 5 as his manufacturing class is leaving for a week-long trip to Dallas. So assuming my overtime is cancelled thursday (it likely will be, they've started cancelling it every day now) I'll be going thursday after work. That's only like 5 days in between. I think I can leave her alone that long. I'm figuring something out, though, it's got a lot to do with the emotional intimacy that I realize I fear but at the same time crave, and even though I struggle with it with her, it's pretty much the only place I do feel like I get it, when I let myself. I don't let myself feel it here even. So this is my new therapeutic mission: to figure out how to find it (or let myself experience it?) in my marriage and my friendships so I don't need it so much from t. Ugh this therapy relationship has got to be the most confounding thing in my life. I hate that it means so much to me. Hey - flash of insight - is it my hating that it means so much to me, giving it power over me somehow? If I stop hating that it's meaningful and just let it be meaningful, will that put it back into better perspective? Hmm. And now I am going to be late to work because of my ruminating. Oh well. Catch y'all at lunchtime, couchies.