Thanks.

About a day after all of this ranting here on PC I actually came to terms with it and forgave him for not reading it. I don't usually feel the need to make an event of forgiveness, but this was a large enough infraction to me that I literally told him to his face that I forgave him for hurting me. You may say that's passive aggressive. It wasn't—it was no secret that it had hurt me. I said that saying those words was almost more for my sake than for his.
It's funny how immediately I did feel better, after that. It took me a while, but when I was finally willing to let it go, I did feel better. It still hurts. Just not nearly as much.

I came to PC when it seemed to me that all my friends had deserted me and that PC was my last chance at anyone caring about me. I became angry that no one here replied to my posts, and even when I joined a chat group for a while to try asking for sympathy there, I didn't get any. I already felt rejected, but this sealed the deal. I no doubt overreacted, but my emotions took over. That's in the past now though too. I wish I had not had to deal with my emotions alone, as that is no doubt what lead to my cutting again, but so it was, and there is no point looking at that day again.

The competition is this week. Even if I do well it is probable you'll all be hearing more angsty rants from me soon, lol. It's going to be a highly competitive event for quite a bit of money over the course of two days on a premise I'm not familiar with among a lot of people I don't know. To me, that sounds like a recipe for disaster. I'm afraid of not being able to cope with it all and having a breakdown at some point.