Been there. I know exactly how awful this feels. The only difference is I was an honor student and they booted me because I admitted myself to a psych unit for depression. I had no appeal. I was handed a confidential letter by my college counselor after I cleaned out my dorm room, telling me I wasn't welcome back, not even to see my friends on a visit. I received the top scholarship awarded by the college a year and a half before. So yes I have been there.
Let me say one thing: it is not entirely your fault for your grades. You are battling a very serious illness under tremendous pressure at a tough stage of life. Your numbness may be at least in part from coping with pain and shock. Be kind to yourself.
I would suggest stopping the blame and regret. I spent literally years doing that to myself. It only made getting improving mentally and getting back in school all the more difficult.
You have time, take that time to reassess. Certainly be tested. Remember when you go back to school, when and where you decide, to go to your school's special student services or similar office. They handle accommodation requests. Documented mental illness stress, depression, etc. will be given accommodation. I know it doesn't feel like it, but your life is not over. It is just beginning. A lot of people leave or get bounced from colleges for a huge number of reasons. You are not alone. And those people have gone on to live just fine lives. Just like you can.