Thanks for the reply. I'm a cynical and pragmatic person, and perhaps that is why I would come off as cold on a personal level, but I have a hard time believing that "everyone on this plant matters." I'm not just hard on myself, I'm hard on humanity. There are too many people in this world that don't make a single difference if they are alive or dead. So many people have died in the past few minutes and it there is no difference to world politics, economics, science, security, or any other good cause. Perhaps I am terrified of falling into that category and determined to do everything to reach my goal. I do not want happiness, friendship, and relationships (or at least I don't strive for them), all I care about is making a difference between the time I was born and the time I die. But my self-doubt and inexplicable semi-depression undermine me from the start. I don't do any sports and take only 2 AP classes, neither in STEM, so I don't know why I am so much behind the curve in Northern VA.