I ended up getting on a trail of past memories. I don't know why, how to stop, and where I'm at now but I feel guilty as hell, I feel like I've done nothing but bad things. I know logically it isn't true. There's something that's been eating at me for half my life, and I can't do anything about it. My son is beautiful, both are, but... I can't explain it, and I just try over and over to explain it but the person that needs to hear the words isn't here anymore. I want to cry, say I'm sorry, say I love him for our son. I feel like I don't belong in the depression forum. That there should be a place to lay my feelings down, and I already have done that with God. But I still have some doubts and fears. I fear I can't go on and live with the past at the same time. I'm worried I'll never have done a good enough job at being a mom.