I've never known a healthy relationship. However, I ran into one hell of a sweetheart. We're engaged. Something I would never ever do. It's been 35 years, and I've made a committment to avoiding marriage. Bad Company's, Deal With The Preacher, used to be my anthem, and Bad Company isn't my favorite group. lol. I just have to be alone if I'm this nuts.

So, the problem. He's honest and he's sweet, but how do I trust him when he's always at the bar or if he kicks it with other ladies? I am so damn insecure. Can't I be the cool girl? Damn. I am jealous. It's a sin, but I am soooo jealous. How do I let go and just chill about things like this?

I of course have no idea what its like to have normal friendships. Maybe one of a few survived after 35 years moving as an expat.

Okay, so I'm listening to Jimi Hendrix's Voodoo Chile, and I think just maybe I'll have an evening without nightmares of being rejected or betrayed.

Issues, issues. Poor guy. I love him, and he's really going to marry me? Will I sabatoge it because I'm nuts? We'll see.