Thanks guys. It meant a lot hearing from you that it was okay to be vulnerable. Truth be told even though I haven't been going to meetings, I always try to work the steps (I even did drunk, don't ask how well THAT worked, ). Anyhow, the only thing right I did today was praying, taking my medication, and eating a little a bit. I think those things were the only thing that kept me from chucking in the towel. On the bright side, after I got through all that and didn't drink, I feel pretty good. I picked up where I left off on my CBT readings and that also felt good. Like I said, I'm stil AA, but I supplement it with outside help.