I understand it is difficult not to be concerned or afraid of what might happen in the future and with bipolar there is a degree of uncertainty. Each of must do the best we can to ensure our stability. If you commit to doing the best you can, at all times, stop being afraid of a future that does not exist and live each moment in the present, maybe your fears will be resolved. You have no idea what might happen tomorrow, the next day or at some other time that has not arrived.

Is your fear realistic? Maybe, however, you cannot be certain. Is it worth living constantly in fear of an uncertain occurrence? If you do the best you can, with the resources you possess, you will not fail yourself and if you experience an episode, so be it. It is bound to happen at some time but living in fear of it, as you have experienced can have its consequences, such as anxiety and an avoidance of anything you may feel, rational or not, which may trigger mania and possibly many positive experiences and opportunities.

Do not seek comfort or security in depression or want to be in a hypomanic state, if you feel you function/perform better. The feeling can be intoxicating and some of us feel we function better but that is not always so. Stability is what we should seek, with a passion.

Yes, fear can affect you greatly, as do the negative thoughts you may be experiencing now. You might consider Cognitive Behavioral Therapy as a way to help you become more aware of and identify your irrational thoughts or find a book on the subject.

I know you can overcome anything you have a will to.