Quote:
Originally Posted by eleanorshay02
I empathize completely. Peers just go along with their accelerated or AP classes while I'm still kind of struggling making it through a day, let alone a class. My mom places basically all of my value on my grades, so I understand where you're coming from when you say there's a lot of pressure to succeed. I want the best for myself as well, but when you can't even fulfill your own happiness it's hard to try to accomplish larger tasks. I know how it feels to appear completely together but be anything but. Feel free to PM me if you want to talk more.  |
Thanks for replying. The problem with me is that I am the one who places all emphasis on my grades. The reason for this is because the last two years, I got very good grades after working my rear end off, but I considered my grades to be the only thing good about me. I have nothing to offer to a friendship/relationship, I'm out of shape, I play no sports or something like that... But I had good grades and a GPA I could count on. This year, (it got better the last few months) I was still working very hard but got mediocre results - basically losing the only thing good about me. That's why I went into a much darker place than I typically was.
I had suicidal thoughts throughout high school, though I never actually wanted to take my own life (at first, too much fear of going to Hell. Now, I'm just curious whether things might sort themselves out like everyone claims). It got worse for a while, but I'm still at the point where I wouldn't fight a painless demise if it came to me and I dread tomorrow. It comforts me that nothing lasts forever.