Quote:
Originally Posted by LifeInDarkness
I haven't been in a relationship in about 7 years, I'm 21 now. My best friend and I used to text each other every day for a couple weeks saying "good morning" and "I love you". I liked being there for her, and when she used to tell me she got hungry in school I surprised her by sending a bunch of snacks to her house. She never sent anything back (except a cute selfie with her and the food haha) and I was okay with that.
We weren't in a relationship, but I miss the feelings a lot. Knowing she was there made me feel like I really mattered to someone. I know I matter to my friends and family, but it's not the same. She rejected me and now we don't talk anymore, though I still find myself checking my phone every morning to this day.
100% of the time, I get absolutely nothing, and it makes me feel really crappy for the rest of the day.
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I'm sorry you're in this situation. I've been alone almost all the time since I left my hometown and never came back (moved a bunch of places, had only one best friend for a 1.5 year period). This summer I tried to reach out emotionally with 9CHAT, since no one in real life was available. I was content a few weeks, then became miserable when the people that "empathized" just dropped off the grid. I deleted the app. PsychCent is my second attempt to reach out.
I went through several phases of philosophy, from optimism, "waiting for the special someone," to pessimism, "accepting me being forever alone", to something in the middle. I learned that there is a way you can temporarily accept being "forever alone" without losing self-esteem and optimism. I believe that there must be an almost-perfectly matching person to be in your life in order to have a good, jointly-beneficial and empowering relationship. There is very little you can do to accelerate that process. Of course, you can increase your chances from 0.0001% to 0.0002% by going out and meeting people. But the paradox is that making yourself vulnerable like that can cause you more pain than is worth. Besides, most relationships are no where near perfect. Perhaps that is why most relationships end in pain and sometimes depression. Let me share one of my journal entries with you:
"Yes, of course I've been thinking about relationships. I'm lonely as f***. But if there's one thing I've learned in life, it's that things can always get worse, even things you expect to be good (like the perfect special someone you might be hoping to appear in front of you). Loneliness sucks, but it's a world I know well, that I can mold and command to my advantage since I'm the one in charge. Relationships are dangerous. They can leave me [and her] destroyed, in ruin. I've heard the reality. I'm living the lesser of two evils. I will only let down my guard if she understands this, if she is the one to find and need me, if she is willing to do the same. Let this be my fantasy."
For better or worse, we as humans can't shed our emotional aspirations and desires. But what I did is separate my desire into a fantasy, another world that's totally separate from the real one, in which I have a multitude of other challenges and pleasures to focus on.
Focus on your career, on volunteering, on making the world a better place. Perhaps you can go to an orphanage or some other miserable place in the world and make a world of difference to someone. Take a leap and join the freaking military and serve something great. Join the Civil Air Patrol if you live in the US. Go to church and give yourself to a god, or pack a bag, fix up your bicycle, and take off down the highway on a journey of carelessness and music. Read classic books and absorb knowledge and become smart as hell!
Do whatever you have to do, to make the unobtainable desire as secondary in your life as possible. Depend ONLY on yourself to do whatever you want.
Hope this might have helped. I've been asking your title question for as long as I can remember, and would love to talk more.