(((gerber))) Ok, so your plan didn't work out, make a new one, something where you can't touch that money without great effort.

Then... you need to try and stop saying/typing/posting the negative stuff like "I deserve.." that isn't true. Once you quit saying it, you'll want to progress to stop thinking it altogether with thought stopping, and replace it with the good things I'm sure your T is trying to get you to hear.

Keep working on yourself, there will be improvement you can live with in the future. (((hugs)))