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I was called arrogant and disgusting by some friend. I guess I have been trying to put on a cold mask in social situations to prove I do not care. I used to spend too much time worrying about how other people think of me and I don't want to be like that anymore. I don't know somehow I come off as arrogant.
I have been feeling happy until this friend told me that. I am now sad because this is somewhat true. I do like to judge people even if I often don't say the judgements out loud. Appearing aloof provides me comfort and makes me feel different from the others. When I don't fit in a social situation, I can judge the people there as shallow or boring. Maybe I have been feeding upon fake superiority to boost my self-esteem. I hate myself for just trying to get by, but I fear the pain of facing the reality. What if I am as shallow as the people I dislike. I feel like stuck in a gray area.
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