I've never actually been there but from what I've seen on TV I think my head is doing a pretty good impression. Scrolling thoughts, blinking thoughts, tons of "head noise", crowded with too many thoughts, overstimulated in every way except all of it is internal. I have no idea what is going on in there. Mania, depression, swirled together into the blackest, nastiest, tarlike paint.

I need to take valium but I don't think it will work yet. I've been trying to relax and that hasn't been going so well. (ie I just got up and changed the kitty litter because I suddenly remembered that I had forgotten). Two weeks ago I could watch something on Netflix; now I'm past that point and it wouldn't calm me down. I have no idea if it is better to get up and clean and burn some energy or keep trying to relax. I don't want to do either.



I just am tired. Not physically but mentally I just want to go away for a while. The valium will do that when I am ready to take it (if it take it too soon it doesn't work; if I take more than the dose I take I won't wake up until evening then tomorrow won't be able to sleep).