Quote:
Originally Posted by danceislife
I'm a 17 year old girl diagnosed with predominately inattentive ADHD. To keep the story short i've been struggling with this disorder for a very long time, but didn't realize it was a struggle until I put a name to it. One day a little over a year ago I decided to google "why do I daydream so much" and many links came up about ADHD.
BOOM.
Clicking on the links on the topic was such a surreal moment. You know when you're talking to someone and you're trying to think of a word but you just can't put your finger on it. ADHD was the thing I couldn't quite put my finger on, and once my finger found it... it got worse. I was now fully aware of my day dreaming and I could now look back on my life and have a reason for so many things but oh my god it just got worse from there knowing I had it and suffering in silence. So fast forward a year and my ADD almost got my friends and I in a car accident. I wasn't even driving the car and my failure to listen (failure to hear really from being zoned out) put us in a very dangerous situation which made it clear to me that wanting to get help wasn't a selfish thing anymore, it would keep others around me safer.
I had a negative response from my family. I really don't want to get into the details because its a lot to type and I don't want to re live that time but just trust me that it was awful. I'm now on medication and it was life changing. I've had to switch medications now and its not effective at ALL but i have to wait until i can try the next trial dose that is a higher dose. But putting that aside, medication has made life better, but its not enough. After tests and assignments being on medication there was one thing left to fix. School. I've been able to study more, listen more in class discussions, but test taking has been incredibly hard because I miss the details which dock me marks big time. I had a conversation with my doctor and we made the decision for me to get extra time on tests. I gave the doctors note to my guidance counsellor and I know officially can be given extra time for tests and such. However, I have just gotten this approval or whatever now at the end of the semester, and I will be getting extra time for my final exams which start in a week. In terms of my friends in my class, seeing my friends in other classes after finishing the exam, and carpooling with people it will be obvious that I am getting extra time. I have chosen to start writing the exam with my class as my teacher will be there to answer any questions and then I will be escorted to the special ed exam room to finish my exam. I have no choice but to tell my friends that I am getting extra time but the reality is that I don't want to tell them.
I'm not ready to tell people I have ADHD.
The way I pictured it in my mind, I always thought that my first time telling people would be my roommates in university as having a quiet space is important for me and such... I have to tell people that i'm getting extra time but how do I tell them why? Should I just not tell them the reason and say I have an IEP orrrrrr? Can I not tell them I have it, and if I am telling them how do I even begin  I don't want to give them my life story in terms of how it affects me, when I was diagnosed, why i'm getting extra time. I'M NOT READY TO TELL PEOPLE I HAVE ADHD.
So how to I go about this situation. I do not want to be judged and even if my close friends won't judge me I know that once people know that it will be different. People will be tempted to make comments, assume i'm acting strange if I'm "off my meds", and in the back of people's minds they will always be able to point out when my inattention is coming out. Thats scary and intimidating and i've already faced enough stigma with my own family and i'm not ready to face it with others... but I have no choice.
What do I do |
Whats difficult in your situation is that your young (17), you worry a lot about what other people think, worry about being accepted or rejected, you want to fit in and not be judged. To me the words "being judged" "hater" "racist" have become way over used and misused. There is nothing to be ashamed about having ADHD, I'm 53 and went un-diagnosed until I was 38. Prior to that my life was basically hell, when I was your age very little was known about ADHD, that term did not exist. I was called the usual lazy, stupid, unmotivated, never listened, disrespectful ect. There are probably more kids in your school that have than you realize. In my opinion I would just do what your doing and unless someone brings it up you have a choice. You can say it's none of your business, which could result in your friends making far fetched assumptions or just say " my ADHD makes it difficult for me to concentrate and focus and it's really bad during tests" , I would obviously go with the latter and leave it at that. If they judge you then so-what? ADHD is a complicated disorder that can be very difficult for people to understand if they don't have it. Chances are that some of those same family members that treat you negatively or label you have it themselves. ADHD does get it's negative press largely due to the fact that it is over diagnosed in kids. Doctors, teachers and parents are quick to label there kid ADHD if they lose focus, act up ect. most of time it's just a kid being a kid and a teacher or parent with no patients. If you are in a situation where you have admit you have ADHD and you get a negative reaction then you'll know who your real friends are. Your 17, chances are when your reach college you won't be as close to those friends as you are now. I have slowly cut many family members out of my life do to there ignorance about ADHD. Having ADHD, to me is no different than any other medical issue such as Asthma, Diabeties, Heart issues ect. Your ADHD will not prevent you from becoming successful as many who have ADHD are highly intelligent. We think differently, process information differently than non-ADDer's and usually better. Look at it as your fortunate you were diagnosed at a young age, unlike me. If I had been diagnosed at your age my life would have definitely turned out much differently. Although getting diagnosed at 38 was a relief the judgement and labels I received prior to that never went away. I know this is easier said than done but try not to worry to much over this. If you feel pressured into divulging to you friend(s) as to why you are taking that extra time, just give them little information, no reason to go into detail and move on. I would also educate yourself as much as you can about ADHD as the more you know the easier it will be to deal with it. The lake of support from family is usually the hardest and that is most likely due to the lack of knowledge and education about ADHD. Most of the time they get little bits of info from someone who knows someone who has it or has a kid that has it. As you get older you won't worry as much about being judged or labeled. I'm sure someone will read this post and judge me based on spelling or grammar errors, so what? I don't let someones shallow opinion define me.